Day 18 is a Friday.
Today I’m not going to take the Dramamine. I’m going to make it as long as I can.
Bah! At 1:00pm I have a meeting with someone at my desk. I’m staring at his face and then my heads starts to whirl. Nausea begins to creep up. I’m trying to speed up the meeting but he is just not taking the hint. “Mister, you need to leave because I will vomit all over you.” I try to focus, to keep my eyes on the computer screen.
Finally, 15 minutes later than he was supposed to, he leaves and I scramble for the Dramamine. So much for that attempt.
My husband, wonderful husband, calls me excited. “I want to get a dog.” He convinces me to go to the humane society at 5pm. I get excited too. We’ll just look.
At the humane society, for some crazy reason, I burst into tears in front of 3 other strangers. “Oh god oh god, just stop,” I tell myself. I look like a mental patient. We have to leave the humane society. I feel like I let my husband down.
Anything still sets off a crying jag. Sometimes, like at the humane society, I don’t know what it is. So I can’t make it stop.
Day 17 is a Thursday.
I wake up and I am so proud of myself for going to ballet last night. I feel better. AND I didn’t need Benadryl in order to sleep. I guess the exercise helped with that.
At 2:00 today I had to take a Dramamine as I still felt dizzy and wanted to head of the nausea – strategy still seems to be working.
I will tell you, the brain zaps for me were minimal compared to the vertigo and nausea. But I guess everyone’s different.
Other recent side effects I have noticed:
1. I’m a bit bunged up. (unable to go.) Maybe this is a side effect of the Dramamine because I haven’t read it as a side effect of the Lexapro. Everything has something!
2. My stomach is perpetually in butterflies, recently. You know when you are really cold and you get the shakes? My stomach/abs shake almost all of the time now. Heck, I’ll take this over the vertigo any day though. Plus, maybe it’ll help me lose more weight. I still blame a lot of my weight gain on the Lexapro.
Mom is on Lexapro. I’ve warned her about coming off of it. I think she should come off, because it was our pill-pusher of a family doctor put us on it, but she is very trusting (often too much so) of Doctors.
Day 16 is a Wednesday.
New strategy for today. The minute I feel dizzy, instead of trying to stick it out, I’m going to pop a Dramamine to head off any potential nausea.
My plan works! After lunch, around 2ish I start to feel a bit dizzy. I take some Dramamine. It heads off the nausea. Not only that, but I feel good enough to go to my ballet class tonight! I’ve missed two weeks of classes because of this. I’m excited to go back.
After ballet, I feel good. I was a little dizzy during, but nothing horrible. No nausea (thank you thank you thank you) and I come home, shower and relax a little before bed.
Oh my word, is this really happening? I’m afraid to say I’m over it!
Day 15 is a Tuesday.
I’m at work now, writing this. (Don’t tell.) I’m going to take my fish oil in a moment. I still have the Dramamine as a back up because I’m afraid I’ll slide backwards somehow.
I feel a bit dizzy this morning, but I did not need Benadryl last night to fall asleep. And I woke up this morning feeling fresh as a daisy.
12:32 p.m. : what is happening. I just felt really sick all of a sudden. I’m having a piece of bread. I feel like I am going to vomit. I hope I’m not going backwards. Maybe I’ve got the flu…
1:01 p.m. : have taken emergency Dramamine.
At 1:30 I went home. I thought I was going to be sick at work. Another half day of work wasted.
I just stayed in bed and rested. Of course I couldn’t sleep, so I just laid there until 4 when I thought I’d have some toast. At least I kept it down.
Day 14 is a Monday.
Oh my God I have to go back to work today. Thankfully, my husband wakes me up as I took Benadryl last night, in order to make sure I don’t oversleep. I get up OK.
I load up my bag with my fish oil and Dramamine. I may need it as a backup.
Everyone is kind as I return to work. “Vertigo,” I just explain. I am not going into the stigma of the fact I’ve been on antidepressants for 15 years.
It’s a quiet day, and I’m able to mostly focus and just write, check e-mail. I have two meetings but they go by unremarkably. I am a bit annoyed that people around me talk loudly, and I can’t concentrate or focus. In fact, they pretty much talk all of the time.
I guess this is where my irratibility kicks in. Why they put writers in cubicles, though, I’ll never know. Putting in headphones never worked for me. I need peace and quiet today and some people are not very aware and keep blabbering on about headcolds and their vacation.
But, irratibility aside, I get through the day. The brain zaps are smaller, the dizziness is reduced. I don’t need the Dramamine. I avoid anything emotional that could make me cry. I still cry very easily.
In fact, when I get home I cry over every chapter of my book. Admittedly, it’s a sad book but I cry so much it is hard to breathe. But that’s OK. At least it’s not at work and I’m getting it out. Maybe it’s wanted to get out for 15 years.
Day 13 is a Sunday.
Oh God, it’s the Superbowl. I have promised to go watch Boyhood with friends and then watch the Superbowl. At least my husband can drive. But we also have to go to the grocery store. I’m dreading the grocery store on a Superbowl Sunday at the best of times. Now I have to do it and not fall over.
I get up, and I take fish oil, but I do NOT take Dramamine. I’m going to see if I can manage without it because I have to go to work tomorrow.
My husband and I split the grocery list. I only have four items and then we have an arranged place to meet. It should make it easier.
The grocery store is as expected – we can’t find anywhere to park. The circles in the parking lot are not doing much for my head. Finally we make it in, and I just dart for my four items. It wasn’t so bad. I couldn’t focus and everything was a bit blurry but I did it.
During the movie and the game I just relax on the couch. I can’t watch scenes in the movie where people are driving. I get dizzy and feel like I want to vomit… but I’m determined not to cave into the Dramamine.
Afterward we get home, and I feel much better. I take some Benadryl and drift off.
Day 12 is a Saturday.
Sleep in till 10:30 and then wake up. Down go the dramamine and fish oil again – I’m not taking any chances.
Today I just relax, and continue reading. I’ve noticed I’m not sweaty anymore, the brain zaps are less frequent. Still dizzy from time to time but not insanely swetty.
I’ve lost 6.5 pounds, but I’m not sure if that is from vomitting or from withdrawal of the drug. Probably both.
I’ve also noticed that I’m sleeping differently. No longer do I just pass out. And when I wake up, I don’t feel like I’ve been hit with a brick, like I did when I was on the drug. Instead I feel able to get right up, and my brain is quicker and functions normally. I haven’t feel like this since I was a teenager! Admittedly, I was pretty much a teenager when I started taking the drug.
So Saturday passes. I do some more laundry and just try to read and focus. It’s honestly getting better.