Lexapro Withdrawal. Day 11.

Day 11 is today – January 30th.  It is a Friday.

I have called in sick again from work.  I slept in until 10, and then immediately took the dramamine and fish oil with some toast.

Guess what?  Today has been better.  I still feel light headed and a bit dizzy, but at least I can walk around.  I have a bit more energy, although I feel pretty weak.  My brain zaps are almost gone.  You read that right, almost gone.

Is it the fish oil and dramamine?  I am not sure but I am happy to be feeling better, that is for sure.  I even did a load of laundry.  Yes, I got off the couch and put a load in the wash.  This is monumental.  I am washing out my puke bucket because it won’t be needed today.

The only thing is the dramamine -I think- is making me tired.  But I’d rather be a bit sleepy than dizzy and nauseated.  So far, so good.  I can even read my book again.  And work texted me and I responded with a perfectly intelligent response.  Amazing.

So. Day 12 is tomorrow, a Saturday.  I will update this.  I hope it will be another good day.  I have not decided what I will do if I cannot go back to work on Monday.  That is the only thing that scares me.

P.S. According to my fertility tests I was most fertile this week.  I’m sad that we couldn’t try to have a baby because I was so ill.  But I know it will happen as soon as I can conquer this.

P.S.S. Coffee bad.  I tried drinking in the beginning but it seemed to make things worse. An afternoon cup of tea though, has helped.

Lexapro Withdrawal. Day 10.

Day 10 is a Thursday.

I call in sick… it’s the only thing I can think of.  Maybe if I just rest it will go away.

This is by far the worst day.  I cannot move and carry a vomit bowl with me if I need to get something.  I cannot watch t.v. and I cannot even read my book anymore.  I try to watch birds at the bird feeder outside but they fly around too much.  I lie on the couch reading blogs about Lexapro withdrawal, hoping to find an answer.  I read in spurts as I get sick from scrolling.

I look at the symptoms at the withdrawal and I tick off every. single. box.

Vertigo (well, definitely!)
Nausea (totally.  have lost 6.5 pounds in less than a week)
Insomnia (I am sleeping differently – less sound, more fretful but at least I am sleeping somewhat)
Brain Zaps (yup. they come and go.  I wish they would go. It’s like everything in my brain was turned up to high volume all of a sudden)
Flu-like symptoms and sweatiness (yes. yes. yes.  I’ve got heat waves and sweatiness and then I am freezing and my fingers are purple)
Headache, yes.
Vomitting, yes.
Muscle spasms – not so much but my joints are on fire.
Light headedness – that’s a big yes.

The blogs I read mention crying for no reason.  I think we can all consider crying because you are crying a very stupid reason indeed.

But then I find little answers here and there.
Fish oil – helps with brain zaps
Dramamine – helps with vertigo, nausea, and light headedness
Benadryl – helps with sleep and nausea

I ask my husband to pick them up and I take them at 6 p.m. when he gets home. By 8 I notice a change.  The brain zaps are less strong and I am not so dizzy.  I actually do feel better.  Placebo? Maybe, but I’ll take it.

Lexapro Withdrawal. Day 9.

Day 9 is a Wednesday.

Well.  That did not go as expected.

I am fine, back at work and happily toiling away when at 2:30p.m. I suddenly am dizzy.  The world begins to move again and I am not moving with it.

I begin to cry uncontrollably.  “Crap,” I think to myself.  No one wants to cry at work – especially uncontrollably.

I blame it on the vertigo, the vertigo has done it.  Sorry for the tears, I think it’s the vertigo.

I run to the bathroom and hold back the vomit.  Wave after wave of nausea sweeps over me and I literally cannot will myself to stop crying.  At this point, I’m actually crying BECAUSE I am crying.

At 3:45 in a meeting I sit down in front of all of my colleagues and cry.  I run out of the room.  I blame it again on the vertigo.  My boss has a colleague follow me home because they are all worried, bless them.

I make it home OK and then cry until I go to sleep.  What am I going to do?

Lexapro Withdrawal. Day 8.

Day 8 is a Tuesday.

It has snowed again!  I can now make sure that I am truly well before going back to work.  Maybe it’s because I was told there was only a 3 day waiting period before the symptoms would end, but I feel really good today.  I have more energy and I am not so dizzy.

Tomorrow I will return to work and everything will be fine.

Lexapro Withdrawal. Day 7.

Day 7 is a Monday.

Today is the day!  I’ve read that 3 days is all you need to conquer the withdrawal symptoms so I’m going to get through Monday and will be my own self again.

Mercifully, it snows.  I am able to work from home.  I can focus on the laptop OK enough.  I have meetings, and realize that the dizziness is also affecting how I process my speech.  I talk excitedly, nervously.  I am not the poised intellectual being that I attempt to be in work meetings.  I resolve not to talk very much and tell everyone at work I have vertigo.

Why in the world do I have to lie and tell them I have Vertigo?  Well I guess it’s not completely untrue, as I do have it.  But I can’t tell them what it’s really called as I work in a conservative corporate environment with dinosaurs who would think I am oversharing and would treat me the rest of my life as an eggshell waiting to crack.  No.  I will not share the truth that I am withdrawing from antidepressants because I do not want them to see me as weak.  And they will.  I can’t change their perception.  I cannot change the stigma.  But I will battle on.

And battle on I do.

Lexapro Withdrawal. Day 6.

Day 6 is a Sunday.

I feel a little bit better.  I think that this must after all be it.  I should be almost 100% by tomorrow!

I am still dizzy and I want to vomit if I move the slightest inch. My eyes seem against me.  If I look at anything except the book which I am clinging to desperately, then I feel the urge to vomit.  The world is upside down.

I slept the night before thanks to two Nyquil tablets.

But tomorrow, the world will be right again.  The Internet promised me.

Lexapro Withdrawal. Day 5.

Day 5 is a Saturday.

I give blood and then come home.  I feel dizzy, but I think it’s because I’ve just given blood.

It’s not.

The rest of the day I feel it all… nausea, dizziness, brain zaps.  I know the symptoms well enough by now.  It’s the withdrawal kicking in.

I am completely unable to move and am utterly useless.  The minute I look at something, the world moves and I feel as though I am going to vomit.  I sit in a chair and read a book.  Reading a book is the only thing that seems to help.  The t.v. moves too much, the sound is too harsh, and even if I look outside I get woozy.

So I just read.  I read all day as it is the only thing that does not make me vomit.  I read somewhere that 3 days is all it takes.  That means by Monday, I will be better.  I keep going.

I keep going.